💌 I Spent Years Comparing Myself to Who I Thought I'd Be by Now

The gap between who you are and who you planned to be is not yours to fill

💌 Welcome to Take Heart Daily, a Creatorly series for gentle encouragement as you show up for the work God gave you. I hope these quiet reminders support you in the season you're in, wherever you are today.

I am one of those people who rethinks every social interaction a hundred times afterward. Everything I said, what I should have said, what everyone said to me.

That’s why it wasn’t that weird for me to be thinking about the icebreaker activity after leaving a meeting with other moms for my entire drive home and after that. There wasn’t anything special about the icebreaker, which involved answering random questions on a sheet of paper around the table.

My question was, if you could be anyone, who would you be? And at first I thought about jokingly saying my husband. But by the time it was my turn to answer, my response had changed to no one. I want to be me. I love who God created me to be.

But the more that it replayed that in my head, the more I realized that years ago, maybe even just a few months ago, that wouldn’t have been my answer.

I’ve spent years of my life not only comparing myself to others but also to the version of me that I thought I would be by now.

God did not prepare these works for the version of me that had it all finished. He prepared them for the one who kept coming back. I didn’t understand that for a long time. I had a version of myself in my head, further along and I spent years measuring the distance between her and me.

That distance felt like proof that I had gotten something wrong. That I had misread what I was called to do, or wasted too much time, or waited too long to take it seriously.

What I know now is that the gap was never the problem. The problem was what I believed the gap meant.

I am still writing the book. It is taking longer than I thought it would. Some mornings that feels fine, and some mornings it doesn’t. Some days, I open the document and feel every year that has passed since that job interview where I said what I actually wanted it out loud for the first time.

But I'm learning to let that feeling exist without agreeing with it. I’m not trying to catch up to that other version of me anymore. I’m just showing up to the work I actually have, in the season I’m actually in.

I’m learning this with you. You don’t need to close the gap. Some days it sits more easily than others. But the work is still here, and so are you, and that is not nothing.

Here’s the next faithful step: put something on the page today. Not to prove anything. Just because the work is still yours.

With joy,

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📖 Scripture I needed — Matthew 26: 31-35

“Then Jesus told them, ‘This very night you will all fall away on account of me, for it is written: ‘I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered.’ But after I have risen, I will go ahead of you into Galilee.” Peter replied, “Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will.” “Truly I tell you,” Jesus answered, “this very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.” But Peter declared, “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.”

What this means for me right now —

Last week I was sitting with John 21:15-19, the moment Jesus restores Peter on the shore, over breakfast, after the resurrection. And then yesterday at a women’s conference, the first speaker opened with the same story. I don’t think that was a coincidence.

But this week I’m going back further, to Matthew 26, where Jesus tells His disciples at the Last Supper that they will all fall away. Peter pushes back immediately. Even if everyone else falls away, I never will. And then, just hours later, he denies knowing Jesus three times before the rooster crows, exactly as Jesus said he would.

The speaker at the conference pointed to something I wanted to share here. She walked us through Peter and Judas side by side, two men who both failed badly, both felt the full weight of what they had done, and both experienced deep remorse.

The difference between them was not the size of the failure. It was what each of them believed about who Jesus was. Judas never saw Him as Lord, only teacher. Peter did. And that one thing changed everything about what came next.

What the guest speaker shared was that the day God called you is the same day He knew you would fail. He called you knowing the full story. Every detour, every year it would take, every time you would walk away and come back again. He saw all of it and He still placed the assignment on your heart.

This means the gap between who you are and who you planned to be was never a surprise to Him. It means the work was not given to a version of you that had it all together. It was given to you, the actual one, in the actual life you are living.

We just have to be willing to bring what we're carrying and lay it at the foot of the cross, leave it there where it belongs, and go show up for the work He still has for us.

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☕️ What I’m reading —

This quote, from Relaxed by Megan Fate Marshman, “What comes out of your life is directly correlated to what comes out of your heart. The problem is that your heart is hidden from you,” has been sitting with me.

🎧 What I’m listening to —

Always on Time by Elevation Worship

Jesus
I was tossed in the water
But I never went under
You were always on time
And Jesus
When I went through the fire
You were right there beside me
And You were always on time
You were always, always, always on time
And You were always, always, always on time

🤲 What I’m practicing —

Leaning into who God created me to be without comparing myself to the version of who I thought I should be by now.

🤍 What God is reminding me —

He did not prepare the work for the version of me that had it all figured out. He prepared it for the one who kept coming back. And that is still me, even on the days when it does not feel like enough.

What does showing up to your work look like in this season, not the ideal version, but the actual one?

I’m asking because I think we need to hear each other’s real answers more than we need the polished ones.↓

💌 I love having the opportunity to share how others are showing up faithfully to the work God is calling them to do. Please join me in celebrating their obedience and supporting their journey.

Meet Aja Simmonds

31 years old | Located in North Carolina

✍️ Creating —

A community that encourages and equips Christian new moms called to entrepreneurship.

🤍 Called to —

Encourage women to remain surrendered and steadfast in their walk with Christ.

💭 Current challenge —

Balancing the unique season of marriage, new motherhood, and working/building what God is calling me to. My desire is to prioritize time with God (so I build with Him and not without Him) and prioritize my family (because they are my first ministry).

☕ Fueling the work —

Spending time with God, my family, & friends, and going for walks.

💭 What keeps them going —

1) My heart to glorify God through what I love and feel He’s called me to do (write and encourage women), as well as my desire to have financial and time freedom so I can be more present with my family.

2) Knowing there are so many women like me experiencing the identity and priority shifts after becoming a mom, especially in the area of work. My heart is to give language to how they feel and let them know they’re not alone — to let them know they aren’t crazy or lazy for wanting to redefine their career so it fits their family, and that there’s a reason they feel the Lord shifting things/calling their family to something different. I want to walk alongside them and encourage them to remain surrendered and steadfast in their journey of motherhood and entrepreneurship, whatever that may look like for them.

🙏 How we can support —

Continued prayers that I remain surrendered and steadfast in my walk with Christ, as well as in my journey as a wife and working mom/entrepreneur.

Subscribing to my newsletter, Kingdom Daughters Build, and sharing with other new moms who would love to be a part of our community!

Connect —

Aja Simmonds | Newsletter | Instagram

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